Where Did Yami Leave Me Now
by sitabethel
Summary: Ryou's never sure exactly where he'll wake up.


*****This fic is to celebrate the 5 year anniversary of the wheredidyamileavemenow blog on Tumblr. Check it out if you've never seen it!*****

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"Where did my Yami leave me now?"

Ryou reached up and rubbed his temples, struggling to open his eyes and to push himself to a sitting position.

"Just once," Ryou muttered to himself. "Just once, I want to wake up in my bed."

But he could feel cold dirt beneath him. The air around him smelled of old earth and stone. No doubt his clothes were in a frightful state, and his hair. Oh bugger, why did the Spirit always do this to him? As Ryou's eyes fluttered open, a blurry image greeted him. A face. A woman's smile.

"Really?" Ryou shouted in dismay.

He was staring at The Mona Lisa.

 _The Mona Lisa_.

The famous painting that should be hanging in The Louvre, only Ryou wasn't in the Louvre. He was in some sort of cave, or …

Looking around, Ryou figured he was in the Catacombs of Paris. The walls were layers upon layers of rock and skull. It was amazing, just the sort of creepy, spooky scene that Ryou wouldn't mind spending an entire day exploring, only _why was he in Paris?_ And why the bloody hell did the Spirit steal The Mona Lisa?

Ryou pushed himself up to his feet and dusted himself off. He scowled at the stolen painting. He couldn't return it without getting arrested, so Ryou figured the best course of action would be to get as far away from the evidence as possible.

As he wandered through the Catacombs, Ryou couldn't help reaching out his hand and brushing the pads of his fingers against the curved surfaces of several skulls. They watched him with empty sockets as he chose random corridors, trying to find signs of the exit. He stopped and admired a plaque, wondering what the French inscription meant. Realizing that he was sightseeing more than escaping, Ryou pushed himself away from the wall and started walking faster. He wrapped his arms around himself in a hug, rubbing the chill out of his skin and wishing he had a warm cup of tea.

A distinctive clack from behind made Ryou freeze mid step. He turned around to stare over his shoulder, the last echo of the noise Ryou had heard thrumming in the air. His wide brown eyes scanned the catacombs, but only smiling skulls stared back at him, nothing more.

Then a shadow slipped past in Ryou's peripheral vision. He spun forward, trying to put a solid shape to the wavering shadow that caught his attention. Again, grinning skulls watched Ryou in silence.

"H-hello?" Ryou called out into the quiet. "Don't be afraid. I'm quite a friendly chap once you get to know me."

" _I'm_ not the one who's afraid."

Ryou jumped as a voice spoke right into his ear. He backed up until his back hit a skull wall, and then Ryou looked up and saw that he was being stalked by a giant sunflower in a purple cloak.

Ryou sighed. "There's a skull stuck in your hair, silly."

Kek blinked, not expecting Ryou's words. "What?"

Ryou stepped forward, half climbing Marik's darker half in order to pluck a stray skull that had somehow managed to impale itself onto one of Kek's golden spikes.

He showed off his new friend. "See? We better put this little guy back where he goes."

Ryou noticed an empty spot in a wall in the chamber behind them. He shoved the skull back into it's home and nodded with satisfaction when he was sure it wouldn't fall back out.

Ryou continued to search for an exit, knowing that the longer he stayed in the Catacombs, the greater chance there was of someone finding him- and a certain painting that didn't belong to him.

"Hey!" Kek shouted, chasing after Ryou. "You can't ignore me like this!"

"I'm not ignoring you. I'm just trying to find a way out."

"Well." He grinned, hitching a thumb at his chest as they walked. "I happen to know the way out."

"You do?"

"Of course. I grew up in a place like this. No sweat."

"Smashing! Let's go." Ryou ran ahead before he remembered that Kek had to lead. He stopped, laughing and scratching the back of his head. "Um, after you, of course."

Kek gave a dry snort and started walking. After a few corridors, he glanced behind his shoulder at Ryou.

"Romantic, isn't it? Dark. Cold. Countless empty eye sockets staring at us."

Ryou blushed. "Uh, well … it's certainly interesting."

Kek grinned, teeth flashing in the dim light. He stepped closer to Ryou, backing him against a skull wall once again.

"Scared? If you are-" he spread out half of his plum-colored cape like a batwing. "There's room for you here next to me."

Ryou's blush brightened to a blazing pink. "I'm not frightened. I love creepy old place like this"

"What about cold?" Kek ran a finger up Ryou's arm. "You have goosepimples all over your arms."

"I am a bit cold."

Kek wrapped both his arm and the cloak around Ryou's shoulder and escorted him out of the catacombs. It took several uncomfortable hitchhiking adventures, and becoming stowaways on a few ships, but they finally made it back home.

Ryou pushed open the door to his flat, letting the air whoosh out of his lungs and he sighed. "We're finally home! All I want to do now is take a long, hot, bubble bath and wash all this travel grime off of me."

Kek purred. "Sounds like a plan. Let's go."

"Oh no." Ryou wagged a finger in front of Kek's chest. "No. No. No. You have your own bathroom in your own room. Go shower by yourself. It's been a rough day and I want to relax."

"Do you have _no_ _concern whatsoever_ for the environment? We should conserve water!"

"I recycle," Ryou said, marching to the bathroom and locking the door behind him. He deserved some downtime after the sort of day he had to deal with.

He overflowed the bathtub with scalding water and vanilla cupcake-scented bubble bath. Humming to himself, Ryou tried to forget about bothersome evil spirits and their cursed artifacts and stolen paintings and the smell of last car that gave them a ride back to their flat. There was only the scent of vanilla cupcakes now, and for Ryou, that was the essence of zen. Ryou waited until the bubbles faded and the water grew warm before he drained the tub.

Ryou couldn't find his hair dryer. He used two towels in an attempt to get the mop of white dry, but the thick, white strands stayed damp despite his best efforts. Wrapped in a towel, Ryou went in search for Kek to see if he could borrow his hair dryer.

Loud singing drew Ryou to the living room. He froze in place, brown eyes wide and unblinking, cheeks again rosey. Marik, not Kek, crouched in front of a box fan, completely naked. He used the fan as a pretend microphone, laughing at how it made his voice waver.

Marik glanced over his shoulder, winking at Ryou. "Airing everything out is really important! Wouldn't you agree?"

"Oh my!" Ryou pressed a hand up to his cheek, trying to glance away.

"Come on! Get over here and dry off with me!"

"Uh, I'm good. I was just wondering if you knew where my hair dryer was?"

"Heat damages your hair! The wind will be much better."

"Thanks, but I'm just going to look for my hair dryer all the same." Ryou turned and went to his room to see if he could find it in his closet.

Sometimes the spirit put his stuff in stupid places for shits and giggles. Ryou jumped up when he bent over and bumped into something behind him. He looked over his shoulder and noticed Marik standing behind him.

"You always do that to me!"

"Sorry." Marik grinned. "I thought I could help you look for it."

"Okay. Thank you."

Marik grabbed Ryou's waist right above the towel line, leaning over his shoulder and peering into the dim closet.

"Did you find it in there?"

"I can't look with us pressed together like this!"

"Don't worry, I'm looking for you."

"That's very nice of you, but I think we'll find it quicker if we look in different places."

Marik shifted his weight back so that he stared at Ryou. "But this way is more fun."

Ryou's cheeks burned. "I'm getting cold."

"You can use my body heat to stay warm!" Marik grabbed him in an embrace and squeezed him to his chest.

"I'm also hungry!" Ryou shouted the first thing he could think of. It was also true.

"I'll go buy you lunch." Marik grinned.

"Would you? That's very nice, Marik."

Marik ran off and Ryou was able to find his hair dryer _in Marik's bathroom_. He dried his hair and made sure to dress before Marik returned. Ryou boiled water in his kettle and took a steaming cup of Earl Grey into the living room to nurse while he waited for Marik to return with their lunch. However, when the door opened, it was Kek that stepped through the door - with no take-out lunch in his hands.

"Again? My goodness you two switch a lot."

"He had no right to take over in the shower." Kek frowned. "I was talking to you first."

Ryou sighed, walking towards the kitchen with his empty tea cup and talking to himself. "I guess I'll just cook lunch."

"Oh, did you want lunch? I'll get you some!" Kek said, grinning.

Ryou smiled. "Sure. I'd love some, thank you."

Kek ran out the door and Ryou went to the kitchen. He didn't how it would happen, but he was pretty sure Marik would walk through the door next- without lunch. Better for Ryou to cook for himself and whichever one of them came back.

It was the same as always, mild headache, eyes heavy as lead, only this time Ryou felt like he was inside of an oven. He was sure … _mostly sure_ , that his Yami _wouldn't_ leave him in an oven, not even as a joke. Ryou struggled to a sitting position and opened his eyes.

White sand and white sunlight blinded Ryou. He squinted and shielded his hand above his eyes. He couldn't see any sign of a town or even a road, only endless dunes.

"Really?" Ryou shouted in frustration. "What was he even doing out here?"

Ryou tied his hair back behind his head, sweat already rolling down his neck and soaking through his sweater. He pulled the thick, heavy top off and tied it around his waist, leaving only the white undershirt he wore beneath the sweater. With a long, weary sigh, Ryou stepped forward. He was hungry again, and thirsty, and the sand burned beneath his feet through his shoes, but Ryou hoped that if he made it to the top of the first sanddune he'd at least be able to see a road.

There was nothing but sand.

In a fit of frustration, Ryou slammed the Ring into the sand, kicking burning grit onto the cursed gold.

"Why do you always do this to me? Did you even need to be out here or did you just think it'd be funny to leave me stranded? How would _you_ like it?"

Ryou walked away.

He swore he was really done with the Spirit, that he wanted to wake up in bed, but in the end he felt bad and he jogged back to fetch the Ring before the hot wind could bury it in the sand. The gold felt cool beneath his fingers despite the sun glaring down on it. At least there was that- it was cool against his chest as Ryou marched through white sand wondering how he was going to get out of _this_ one.

The answer came with the beat of hoofprints. Ryou froze when he heard them, wondering who'd be riding a horse out in this nothingness. By the time he gathered the nerve to turn around to look, the Thief was already scooping Ryou up onto the horse.

Ryou landed backwards, his legs straddled across the horse's body and his view blocked by a dark brown chest.

"Look what I've managed to steal from the desert!" The thief laughed, swinging an arm around Ryou's waist and winking. "Hold on tight. You know how hard and fast I ride."

"Can we stop? I'm backwards." Ryou spoke up over the noise of the wind and the hooves pounding the sand below them.

The thief squeezed their bodies together. "Don't worry. I won't let you fall."

Ryou's complexion was already red from heat and sun, but he hid his face against the thief's red robes, enjoying the mixed smells of hot sand, the horse, and the thief himself. He didn't mind being pressed against the thief, but oh how he wished he wasn't going backwards! Ryou kept his face hidden the entire ride so he didn't have to see the endless dunes speed past him in the wrong direction.

The horse finally slowed, and Ryou looked around. They were in a small town- where, he still didn't know. "Can we stop and get lunch? I'm starving."

"If I buy you lunch, will you give me dessert?" The thief grinned.

Ryou giggled against his robe, giving his chest a playful punch with his fist. "You're awful."

"That's not a no." The thief flexed so Ryou could feel each muscle in his chest and arms.

It wasn't a no, and Ryou snuggled a little closer as they rode through the town. In the typical fashion of Ryou's luck, however, the thief got distracted before they reached the nearest restaurant.

"What's all that noise?" He asked as a crowd gathered.

He turned his horse to trot down the street, stopping behind the crowds. They were staring at a famous Bollywood actor, flaunting his limo, gold jewelry, and expensive clothes as if he were currently acting in one of his own bad movies. Apparently they were filming one such movie in the town and that's why he was there.

"Don't you dare," Ryou warned.

"Only be gone a second." The thief grabbed a rope.

"Don't you dare!" Ryou's mouth dropped when he saw the rope.

"Can't let _my_ treasure wander off while I go stealing someone else's." He wrapped the rope around Ryou.

Ryou smacked his hands away, but their struggle made the horse shift and Ryou froze to keep balance, letting the thief bind him.

"Thief, you can't run off and steal things in the middle of our lunch date!"

The thief stole a quick kiss and flipped off the horse, landing on his feet and disappearing into the crowd.

Ryou growled in frustration, wiggling his way out of the ropes. This was the fourth, or fifth, or- honestly Ryou couldn't even remember how many times the thief had tried to tie him up and kidnap him over the last five years. Suffice to say that, by this point, Ryou was quite efficient at untying the ropes and getting himself out of binds. Almost as efficient as getting out of rope as he was finding ways to hitchhike back to his flat from any given country in the world at any given time.

And hitchhike he did, stopping to get a huge lunch in Cairo, and then finishing his journey home. Once in his apartment, he pressed Marik off to the side- who was trying to rush to greet him- and went straight to the bathroom for another vanilla cupcake bubble bath. He made it a double shot of bubble solution. He needed it after his desert adventure.

A knock interrupted Ryou's only sanctuary.

"Go away!" He shouted, sinking lower into the bubbles.

"Are you okay?" Marik asked through the door.

"I've been running around the desert all day and I don't even bloody know why! I have a sunburn and my hair has tangles from riding a horse backwards- go away!"

Ryou splashed the water to punctuate his sentence. He expected Marik to respond, but the room became silent. Ryou leaned back into the bubbles, closing his eyes and relaxing. After his bath leeched the sweat and anger from his body, Ryou felt guilty for snapping at Marik. He dried his hair, wrapped himself up in a large towel, and crept out of the bathroom, looking for his roommate.

Marik sat on the couch with a sheepish grin and a bottle of aloe vera. He waved the bottle in Ryou's direction and pointed to the empty spot on the loveseat beside him. Ryou sighed and smiled and sat down beside him.

"I'm sorry I snapped," Ryou said.

Marik shrugged. "I know the Spirit's a handful sometimes."

Marik poured the cold, thick gel across Ryou's burnt arms. He shivered and sighed in relief as the cold spread across his skin. Marik was careful, using light, gentle touches to rub the gel into Ryou's hot skin, adding more gel as needed.

"Thanks you, Marik. I really, really appreciate this." Ryou kissed him on the cheek.

"My pleasure." Marik looked away, his cheeks a little colored.

Ryou leaned in a little, forcing Marik's lavender eyes to flick in his direction.

"Your poor cheeks," Marik reached up and dabbed more aloe across Ryou's face. "I know Bakura likes to harass you for fun, but maybe tell him to calm down a bit next time."

"He's been avoiding me for the last few weeks." Ryou frowned. "I'm not sure why he's acting so weird. I almost left him in a sand dune."

Marik chuckled. "I'm glad you didn't. I would have missed him."

"Yeah …" Ryou sighed. "I would have too."

After Paris and the desert, Ryou hoped to have a break from waking up in a strange place. The Spirit usually gave him time to recover between adventures. A sudden and loud trumpeting sound made Ryou jerk to a sitting position, awake before his brain had time to register that he'd blacked out again. Ryou looked around, trying to orient himself, but only saw huge strips of color. Shifting, Ryou realized he lay on a small platform.

And then he realized he was sleeping on a tightrope-walker's platform.

Ryou shrieked, curling up into a ball and squeezing his eyes shut as tightly as possible.

"I hate heights!" Ryou screamed. "You know I hate heights! Why would you leave me here?"

He could feel his limbs shake as he lay there, curled up like a fetus in a womb. Ryou's breath came in short, quick, starts that jerked his chest up and down. He tried to force his eyes open again. He had to get down. _He had to get down_. And the only way to do that was to open his eyes, but he was paralysed with terror.

He focused on his breathing, forcing himself to take deeper breaths to keep himself from hyperventilating. When his breath steadied, he concentrated on the single task of opening his eyes again. Ryou looked around, the circus tent seemed empty of spectators and performers- at least he didn't have to be embarrassed on top of terrified.

Ryou twisted until he was on his hands and knees, crouching as low to the platform as he could. He noticed a ladder. The thought of climbing down horrified him. The thought of staying up in the air horrified him. Horror was great when it was a Grindhouse movie marathon on television and Ryou was snuggled beneath a blanket on his sofa- but this was ridiculous.

He inched towards the ladder on hands and knees. Trying to find the first rung with his foot was agony. With his heart fighting against his ribcage, Ryou kept expecting to slip and plummet at any moment, but his foot found purchase and he gripped the railing as he descended. His knuckles were white from his grip on the ladder, each step down took every bit of willpower he had. Ryou continued to shake as he made his slow way down.

"I-I can do this. I can do this," Ryou muttered to himself despite the fact that he felt like he _could not_ do it. "I can do this."

He flinched when his foot hit solid ground, not expecting the change from thin rung to a sturdy, flat surface.

Ryou dropped down to his hands and knees again, shaking and gripping the loose hay scattered across the tent floor, but it was over. It was over and he had made it down safely. Ryou took several, calm, steadying breaths before he stood up on his weak, shaky legs and looked around again. Everything looked better when he was standing on the ground, no spinning, hopeless vertigo distorting his vision or making him feel faint.

He made his way out of the performance ring, wanting to disappear before he got arrested for trespassing. As he snuck away, Ryou found himself in a side tent full of animal cages. Ryou winced at his bad luck, hoping that none of the animals would cry out and alert their caretakers of an intruder. Most of them slept, some lay in their cages looking fed up with showbiz, only one creature called out.

"Get me out of here!"

Ryou blinked, staring at the lion's cage, but instead of a lion, it was Kek furiously shaking the iron bars.

"How'd you get in there?" Ryou asked.

"I don't know!" Kek screamed. "Let me out! I don't want to jump through a flaming hoop!"

One didn't simply spend years being possessed by a thief without learning a few tricks. Ryou managed to pick the lock and swing the door open, liberating Kek.

"There you go!"

Kek grabbed Ryou and crushed him in a bear hug, or perhaps lion's hug was better terminology since he'd just escaped the lion's cage and had the mane to match. He smothered Ryou's entire face with eager, grateful smooches. They tickled his face and Ryou giggled and squirmed in Kek's hold.

"I thought I was going to be trapped there forever! You're my hero, Creampuff!"

"All in a day's work." Ryou continued to giggle, escaping from Kek's hug, but offering a arm out to him as an escort. "Now, shall we find our way home?"

"Do we get to take a bubble bath together this time?" Kek hooked his arm with Ryou's, nuzzling into Ryou's neck, excited to be free again. Ryou figured that being trapped in Marik's psyche so often probably gave Kek an aversion to cages and small spaces.

"Maybe." Ryou heard himself saying in order to soothe Kek's nerves. "Perhaps if you're good the entire trip home, but don't splash as much as last time. It took all my towels to dry the bathroom floor that day!"

"But I was trying to drown the rubber ducky." Kek pouted.

"That's all good and well, but do it with less splashing this time."

Still arm in arm, they escaped the gaudy tent and circus grounds. It only took them an hour to get home, which was a nice surprise because it often took a few days. At home, Ryou let Kek wash his long, white hair, and then washed Kek's in return in a bubble bath overflowing with vanilla scented bubbles. Ryou was going to have to start purchasing in bulk.

After their bath, they dressed in pajamas, ordered delivery since neither wanted to cook after their latest adventure, and cuddled beneath a blanket on the sofa watching, and laughing at, _The Devil's Gift_.

"That dog better not die!" Kek kicked at the couch cushions in a fit.

"Better close your eyes." Ryou frowned. He'd seen the movie about the evil toy monkey before.

"Oh bitch don't you kill that dog!"

"I'm sorry."

"The girlfriend better die next!"

"Well … she goes to the hospital."

"What? They killed the dog but not the annoying woman? This movie is more evil than me!"

Ryou laughed. After _The Devil's Gift_ , they started on a _Poltergeist_ marathon, but Kek only made it through the first two movies, falling asleep on Ryou's shoulder early into the third. Ryou watched in fascination as the hair fell flat against his head and his features smoothed into Marik's sleeping expression. After the last movie finished, Ryou lay Marik down, making sure he had plenty of blankets and pillows in order to stay comfortable. He brushed stray strands of golden hair away from Marik's forehead before kissing it goodnight.

"What happened?" Marik asked, half asleep.

"I think Bakura sold us to the circus."

"He needs to switch to decaf."

Ryou sighed. "I'll have a talk with him tomorrow."

But when tomorrow came, Ryou found himself shivering and muddy beneath a rose bush in some sort of public garden. It was much better than the circus, but Ryou was still cold, wet, and miserable, so he had to find his way home _again_ , and take a bath _again_ , and by the time he finished Ryou had had quite enough. He was a reasonable chap, but Bakura's tempter tantrums had gone out of control.

He took off the Ring and dangled it in front of himself, scowling. "Alright, come out here so we can have a little chat."

Nothing happened.

"Don't you ignore me. You've been ignoring me for bloody weeks and I'm bloody sick of it!"

Again, nothing happened.

" _Yami Bakura_! You come out here and talk to me this instant or I will shove you back in the freezer again like I did that one time- and it won't be as fun this time because I won't warm you up afterward!"

With the threat, a ghost-like image appeared on Ryou's bed. He sat with both arms and legs crossed and a scowl on his face.

" _What_?"

"Don't you what me! You locked Marik and Kek up in a cage! You left me on top of a tightrope tower when you know I hate heights! You're problematic, but you've never been _this_ mean before. What's gotten into you?"

He kept his gaze pointed downward. "Nothing."

"You're lying. Something's bothering you or you wouldn't be acting like this."

Ryou sat on the bed, giving the Spirit a sympathetic look.

"You can tell me."

Bakura ground his teeth, a vein in his forehead twitched as he tried to hold his emotions inside.

"Baku-"

"Why are you everyone's favorite?" Bakura shouted before Ryou could finish.

Ryou blinked, confused. "Beg your pardon?"

Now his eyes were trained in Ryou, red and smoldering with anger. "You heard me! Why does everyone like you more? Marik and Kek constantly trip over themselves to bring you gifts or to cuddle, but they never do that for me!"

"Do- do you _want_ to cuddle?"

"No!" Bakura shouted again, his cheeks translucent crimson.

"Then why are you upset? Why should they do things you wouldn't like? That's irrational!"

"It's not about that!"

"But you _just said_ -"

"I said that you shouldn't be the favorite! Not that I want to be coddled!"

"How can they show affection if you scorn them for it?"

"I just-" Bakura's voice dropped like a stone in a well. He looked away. "They could _acknowledge_ me once in awhile. I mean, _maybe_ flirt a little, or try to cuddle even if I push them away, or buy _me_ lunch."

The door opened and they both jerked to see Marik standing in the doorway with crossed arms.

"Marik?" Ryou asked.

"You were screaming, so I was listening at the door."

Bakura snorted, turning away again and acting as if he didn't care if Marik heard them or not, but Ryou knew he was embarrassed.

"Stupid." Marik walked into the room, talking to Bakura. He leaned forward and raked his fingers through Bakura's batwings. "Don't you already know?"

"Know what?" Bakura scowled.

"We love you both."

Marik moved over to Ryou, kissing his cheek. Then Marik grabbed the Ring in both hands, looking at the ghostly image of Bakura as he kissed the Ring right in the center.

Ryou and Bakura sat side by side with red-flushed faces.

Marik slipped the Ring back around Ryou's neck. "Come on, you fool. I'll buy you lunch at that steak house you love to eat at."

Bakura gave Ryou a questioning look, the closest to asking for permission that Bakura could manage.

Ryou giggled. "You know it's okay- just no more heights!"

Waking up the next day felt strange. No headache, no hard floor beneath him or strange sounds. He was somewhere warm, and dry, and soft, and wonderful. Ryou's eyes fluttered opened and he saw sunlight splashing against the ceiling of his own bedroom. He was sleeping in his own bed. He'd forgotten what it felt like, to wake up beneath blankets and against pillows. Delightful. It was bloody delightful- that's what it felt like.

He was in his bed and in his favorite pair of pajamas. The pillows were piled high behind his head, and the blankets tucked up to his chin before he sat up. Ryou smiled, yawning and stretching and enjoying the way his body sank into the mattress like the hug from an old friend. That's when he noticed a box and a note sitting on his nightstand next to his bed. Ryou reached over and took the box, setting it into his lap and he rubbed sleep out of his eyes so he could read the handwriting that looked like his, only more sloppy.

 _I suppose even hosts need a day off once in awhile. Enjoy breakfast in bed._

Ryou's mouth watered at the mention of breakfast. He opened the white cardboard box in his lap and pulled off the lid. Inside the box were three dozen cream puffs. A little squeal of excitement escaped Ryou's mouth as he crammed two pastries into his mouth. Outside a bird began singing and Ryou glanced out the window. He let himself flop back into the mountain of fluffed pillows behind him, savoring the taste of custard in his mouth. It was going to be a smashing day.


End file.
